Becoming the Big Brother
My older child is a toddler. Fortunately, he’s become pretty easygoing - as toddler go. Despite his good nature, I was very concerned about how he’d adjust to the new baby. With the birth of my new son, I’ve pulled out every tool in my considerable arsenal to ensure he adjusts as well as possible to his new role – The Big Brother.
Helping
The easiest yet most difficult thing I’ve done to help Jake is allowing him to help me. Who cares if there is a small coating of powdered formula on the floor? The fact that Jake gets to pour the little scooper into the bottle and then shake it makes his little world right again. I’ll admit occasionally Baby Brian has to squirm and fuss while we wait on Jake to select the diaper with baby Elmo on it, but its worth it in the end to have a toddler who enjoys his baby brother (as much as possible, anyway.)
Explaining
I happen to have a pretty vocal toddler who is good at expressing himself (for 27 months.) I also just happen to know that toddlers can hear and understand MUCH more than they can say. So I explain things to him constantly. “Mommy can’t pick you up right now, I have to hold Baby Brian. But why don’t you hold Mommy’s hand while we go find a book to read?” Sometimes I do use pronouns, by the way.
Jake knows all about Baby Brian’s aversion to the car, and why he screams if he happens to be awake while riding in the car. He also knows that Baby Brian is too small to play toys, but is placated by the fact that only Big Boys like Jake can eat popsicles. Talk to your toddler. They may not be able to tell you much, but they can understand what you are saying. At the very least it will make you feel better.
Validating
The most important thing you can do for any toddler issue is to validate the toddler and their feelings. They are dealing with demons bigger than they can handle, so you have to help. Jake sits in the car and whimpers while Brian cries. I make it a point to snuggle him later and “talk” about it. I tell Jake that I am bothered by the crying, too and it can make me sad and frustrated. It’s okay to be sad and frustrated.
Becoming a big brother is a huge step for any toddler, even easygoing ones like mine. Anything I can do (short of outright foolishness) to make the situation better for everyone is just part of my job!
