The Art of Sleep: The Toddler
(This is the continuation of the Newborn and Baby sleep posts)
Just when you think you’ve got your nights figured out, you get a toddler. Infant issues often seem mild by comparison. Your infant can’t talk back. Your infant most likely won’t follow you out of the room, and your infant often doesn’t realize that the rest of the world isn’t going to bed at 7pm. (Although you may wish you were.)
Foundations
Ideally you’ve set the foundations for sleep as your little one was growing. Hopefully somewhere along the line, she’s learned to fall asleep on her own or at least is only waking up once to eat by the time she’s a year old. In theory babies shouldn’t be waking up past 9 months to eat, but as the mother of huge babies, I say, if they’re hungry – feed them. After all, my kids at least will be twice the size of most by the fifth grade.
If you never really figured out how to get your infant to sleep on their own or to sleep through the night, you’ve got a bit of extra work ahead of you. But don’t worry it can be done.
Routine
The best thing about toddlers, and all children for that matter, is how much they love a good routine. Find a bedtime routine that works for you and keep it the same. Betimes should be early, generally no later than 8:30 or so, and your toddler can take up to 45 minutes to fall asleep after saying good night. That is perfectly normal, and you may hear her talking to herself. Again, normal.
Our routine starts every evening around 6:15. We do a bath with both boys in the tub. Then, Jake gets to run wild and free for about five minutes while I get Brian lotioned up, diapered and dressed in his pajamas. Then Brian gets to hang out in the swing while I round up Jake, put on his diaper, fight to slap on some lotion and throw on some pajama pants. He won’t wear a shirt these days. Typical toddler…
Then we all watch Mickey Mouse or Baby Einstein while Brian gets his last bottle of the evening. As I’m putting him down, I tell Jake he has five more minutes until bedtime. He rushes off to play with some last minute toys and I make sure Brian is out. I’ve been good this time and Brian is great at falling asleep on his own with his binky.
Then Jake and I crawl into his Big Boy Bed and read two stories. Sometimes we read the same one twice. Jake finishes up his milk. Then we say prayers, snuggle for a minute if he’ll let me and I say goodnight.
Part of our routine is that I spend the next fifteen minutes going back into his room a few times to fix the blanket, get him a little bit more milk and change his diaper when, inevitably, he pees. Finally he falls asleep around 7:30 and Mommy is done for the day!
Stay Strong
The hardest thing about toddlers is staying strong. They are wiley little suckers and will try to talk you down or convince you to read ten books a night. If you’re into it, by all means read. I’ll admit that before Brian came along, our bedtime routine was much more drawn out.
But keep bedtime within thirty minutes of the same time every night. Keep the routine consistent, and when you put your foot down, don’t give in again.
A perfect example is night waking or refusing to stay in bed. Go in once or twice to soothe and put her back down. Then, if she keeps popping up, just keep putting her back down. Don’t say anything, just put her back in bed and walk out. She may cry, but she’ll figure it out eventually.
The Basics
Toddlers range in age from one to almost four. There is a lot of variablitiy during that time, but here is a rough guide of what sleep should look like.
At one, your baby will most likely be taking two naps. A short one in the morning and a long one in the evening.
By about fifteen months, the morning nap is on the way out and you might have to move the afternoon nap (and lunch) earlier to make up for it. An earlier bedtime might help the adjustment, too.
From the time the morning nap disappears until somewhere around three, your little one will take a single afternoon nap. It can be 1-3 hours, and try not to skip it. If you do, or if she fights it, use a mega early bedtime to make up the difference. Also, keep the nap at the same time to avoid drama.
By three, most toddlers have given up the afternoon nap on most days. Keep the early bedtime and don’t be afraid to move it extra early if your little one needs time to adjust to her new routine.
The early bedtime should last well into your child’s school years and even teenagers should be going to bed around 9.
I’ll share some of my tricks of the toddler trade next week, so be sure to look for the continuation…
