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Help! I’m Missing My Goals!

All of my life, I’ve had goals. I wanted kiddos, I wanted to help others, I wanted to be comfortable financially, I wanted to be a pro, I wanted to be healthy and skinny. So far I’ve managed to hit them all – although it’s been about 12 years on the skinny front, but I was there once.

In the last two or three years, however, life seems to have replaced my goals. To be honest, it’s mostly my fault. I had a goal of staying home after my second son, Brian, was born. I started myself an online business and made that happen – even if I’m still paying off the first few months of no teaching paycheck.

Now that I’m raising happy healthy children, seem to be scraping by in a healthy, if unique, marriage and have a nice home that will keep me busy for years updating, I’m not sure where to go next.

And I have to go somewhere, it’s my nature.

I think the biggest problem is I seem to be living two or three separate lives in my standard twenty-four hours. It’s too much to fit comfortable, but I can’t figure out what I want to do about it.

* I have a successful writing business that could easily consume my entire working day crammed into my evenings.

* I have a teaching job that is immensely rewarding, but rather draining that takes me away from my boys too often for my taste.

* I have a fantasy life of Wii, books, movies, sleep and exercise that used to be my existence before the boys and the writing showed up.

I can’t figure out where I want to go next.

- I want to be the mom that can whip up fifteen different healthy chicken recipes or use campfire breakfast recipes to wow the entire Boy Scout troop.

- I want to be the woman at the trade shows making connections with other self-sufficient, totally egotistical, definitely successful freelancers and webmasters.

- I want to work a handful of hours each day making a full-time income – during the day!

- I want to work with my junior high school students to try and help them overcome the obstacles they face.

- I want to work out for an hour a day again so I can enjoy the sensation of my clothes growing larger.

- I want evenings to mean relaxation, rest and preparation rather than more work while housework goes undone.

- I want to eat more chocolate and lay on the couch.

- I seem to want it all, but at the same time want nothing more than what I already have.

It’s just one more sign that I’m a knowledgeable woman, a dedicated mother, a terrible cook and strong enough to be willing to do what it takes to reach the goal.

Now I just have to figure out which goals I want to actually reach. At this moment, I’m leaning toward the chocolate one….

January 28th, 2009 Posted by Rebecca | Parenting - Freelance Style | one comment